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Category Archives: Emotions

Sister wants to follow her baby brother in death

Issue: Saima in her early thirties came in with the complaint of feeling constantly fatigued. She woke up in the morning feeling totally exhausted, energy-less. Her entire day was consumed in thoughts she wasn’t even aware of. Saima wasn’t able to focus on her work. She was dating a guy, but they broke off as she constantly complained of being fatigued. She wasn’t able to give any time to this guy and so he thought she wasn’t serious in the relationship. Her professional front was also in pits as her performance was constantly dipping.

Saima had tried all forms of medication but to no relief. She tried naturopathy, which only fixed her issue by a point percent. Her family consisted her mother, father, an elder brother, herself and a baby brother dead at the age of 5.

Resolution: A constellation was set up with the entire family – mother, father, elder brother, Saima and dead baby brother. Saima’s representative on looking at the dead brother wanted to immediately follow him in death. She felt as if she is making a huge mistake living this life. Her mind was full of guilt. The baby brother didn’t have any feeling. Both the parents didn’t grieve much and there was no remorse on the death of their son. The elder brother wanted to run away from this set-up.

Saima’s representative said – I am responsible for my baby brother’s death. This was quite a statement. She was 11 years old when her baby brother passed away due to a fall from the apartment. The moment Saima said this statement, the father broke down. He went down on his knees and started crying inconsolably. Saima was indeed carrying the guilt of her father. On enquiring, it appeared that father and Saima’s baby father were only at home at the time of the accident. He was high on alcohol and a few mind-altering drugs. He wasn’t paying any attention towards the child.

Because Saima’s father wasn’t grieving from within as he was numb as well as unable to accept his failure as a caretaker, she had taken over the unprocessed emotions of the father. The father’s representative said, he wanted to die looking at his son’s dead corpse. But he couldn’t gather the courage to commit suicide. So, Saima was taking on all the pain of the father’s guilt on her body. Hence, she constantly felt fatigued.

Once, the father looked into the eyes of Saima and said – “This is my pain and guilt. I am your father and bigger than you. I can take care of it,” the representative for Saima reported a stone of heavy weight being lifted from her body. This made her feel relaxed and like there was oxygen pumped into her body. Watching the constellation unfolding, Saima too felt the intensity to emotional release. She reported feeling like her blood was circulating in all her body. She never felt this light post her baby brother’s death. Over the next two sessions, her physical as well as emotional body were brought in alignment. Also, her alignment with her parents were made.

Learning from the case: When parents aren’t able to take up the complete responsibility of their actions and emotions, then children do it for them. Most of the times, the heart of the child says – Me, instead of you; to keep the parent alive. Hence, it is important for us to own the responsibility of our own actions and emotions. Or else, either it is our children or other descendants who get entangled in them.

The Story of Rima and her frequent accidents

The Story of Rima and her frequent accidents

Issue: Rima is 29 and has come with the issue of having frequent accidents. She reported that the first one happened when she was a year old and had fallen down from the steps of her apartment. This time she had fractured her shoulder bone. Next accident took place at her home town while playing with other kids. This time she was seven years old and fell down from the first floor of the bungalow and broke two ribs and fractured some bones on the spinal cord. The next accident took place when she was 18 years old and this time fell down the escalator at the airport. She broke her jaw bone and stitches around the neck area. And after this accident she had frequent epileptic attacks.

After noting these, I asked her about her family. She responded that she was the only daughter of her parents. Her father passed away a year ago suddenly and this created a huge void in her life. Her relationship with her mother has been very casual but at the same time there wasn’t a great mother-daughter bond between them. Having all the required details we decided to do a constellation session.

Resolution: Representatives for Rima and her parents were chosen and were asked to take their position in the field. The father was trying to look at both the daughter as well as the wife. But the wife had her back on both of them. The moment Rima’s father’s representative turned his back, the mother was now looking at Rima. The representative for Rima felt caught up between the fight of both the parents. The mother reported to have been internalising rage towards her own father. But this rage was actually coming out on Rima’s father. The rage did not even belong to Rima’s mother, rather it belonged to Rima’s mother’s mother.  To avoid this confrontation of rage between both the parents consciously, as a child Rima would hurt herself to keep them busy. Each time when some bitter fight was about to happen, she would get hurt. Her epileptic attacks since the age of 18 were because her mother was considering a separation. Rima loved her father a lot and did not want to choose either of them to live with.

Now, another representative for Rima’s maternal grandmother was introduced. The necessary therapeutic steps were taken to release this internalised rage. After the rage was released, all the representatives felt lighter. There was a flow of happiness. The flow of love was restored within the system. For the first time, Rima’s mother looked at her father with love. Rima’s representative felt the lightness in her heart and a burden lifted from her shoulders of not choosing either one of the parent. She also claimed to have moved forward in her life for the first time for her own growth and progress. I think this must have been the most incredible feeling for her. Personally, watching the constellation Rima had tears rolling down. But at the end of the constellation, she seemed much relaxed in her body language.

A year later she called in to let me know that she hasn’t had any epileptic attacks since the constellation. Her body feels much energetic and she wakes up each morning totally charged up and no more accidents too.

Learning from the case: When parents are internalising emotions like rage, anger or hatred towards each other, and the children are able to sense it, they will do anything to keep their parents together. They may become difficult children or taking up some kind of illnesses so that the parents are busy with them rather than have time to act on the internal emotions. And especially when these emotions and feelings originally belong to someone else than the parents, the children are more inclined to do display such behaviours. Hence, it is important that parents remind children of the love they have for them as well as identify any pattern that is at play.

Issue of having unstable relationships

Issue: Maya in her mid 30’s approached me with the issue of having unstable relationships especially in her love area. She described that was married twice and both the marriages failed miserably. She had a son from her second marriage whom she was raising alone. She had no financial and emotional support from the father of the child neither her own family. Her family background showed that she grew up without a father. She mentioned her father passed away in an accident when her mother was pregnant three months with Maya. The mother had to struggle to raise Maya and her older sister.

Resolution: A constellation was set up and representative for Maya and her parents were set up in the field. Maya was carrying extreme anger towards men. This was coming from the mother as she never felt supported by her father and then her husband too. The representative for Maya released this which made her heart lighter. The second aspect Maya was carrying was the missing feeling of a male in her life right before her birth. In fact, she was also carrying the trauma of the mother. All of this was released. Maya’s mother was on heavy sedation due to the trauma. The effects of the heavy medication were released as well.

Along with all of this trauma, Maya’s representative reported of carrying the heavy fate of the father. She was blaming herself for the untimely death of the father and considered herself unlucky for everyone. This is when Maya herself burst into tears because both her husbands blamed her for everything that went wrong in their lives. They called her “unlucky”. This deep emotion of feeling unlucky and being responsible for the death of her father were released. Maya’s representative reported feeling lighter and was able to look at her parents for the first time with love. She was now considering herself loveable.

Over the course of few more sessions, these deep-seated emotions were released completely. She was able to let go off the heavy fate of the father she was carrying. And after eight months, she reported to be dating someone who was compassionate and caring towards her as well as her son.

Learning from the case: If a parent passes away before or during the birth of the child, then there is a tendency that this child will carry the heavy fate of the dead parent. This is because the other parent is deeply in trauma and unable to reach out to this child with love. The result is that the child is entangled into the unprocessed emotions of both the parents affecting the future relationships.

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